This verse is sometimes quoted as an excuse by people who feel they must speak the truth to someone—and yet they fail miserably to do so with love. Instead, their thoughtless, harsh way of talking to others hurts feelings and leaves gaping wounds in their relationships. Paul isn't giving us license to do that. He's encouraging Christians to speak truthfully and lovingly, without intimidation or manipulation.

Sometimes, surely, "speaking the truth in love" involves confronting and rebuking when correction is needed. Jesus himself said as much in Revelation 3:19: "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline." But Paul also cautioned young Timothy, whom he had appointed pastor of the church at Ephesus, "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father" (1 Timothy 5:1).

Sometimes uncomfortable words have to be spoken, but they must be said in a loving way. If no one talks about an obvious problem, it will remain lurking in the background, like the proverbial "elephant in the room." Such situations must be handled with love and care, asking for the Lord's guidance every step of the way.